If you are going to use the internet for online dating then it is vital you learn to recognise the signs of an online dating scam.
Signals of dating scams are quite easy to ignore if you are earnestly looking for someone to love you.
I say ‘to love you’ and not ‘find someone you can love’ because it is our emotional needs that these people prey on.
Before we look at specific dating scams you need to know the basics …
What is an online dating scammer?
There are two types of predators using online dating sites, players and scammers.
Players are looking for notches on their bedpost and this post will tell you how to spot and online dating player.
While both are playing on your emotional vulnerability, a scammer is a person who contacts you on an online dating site with the intention of making money from you, either for personal gain or for their employer.
Scammers are simply actors who play a role online to entice you to part with your money. They often have scripts and receive a percentage of the ‘profits’ they con out of you.
What is an online dating scam?
Dating scams come in many different forms but all share the same intention, to get you to pay.
The amounts of money involved vary, usually starting off with small requests for money so they can top up their mobile phone to call you (remember that 10 pounds sterling can equal a weeks pay in a poor country) but can lead to thousands of pounds once they have you hooked.
Consumer Direct (the UK Governments consumer protection website) defines a scammer as:
“An online dating scam is when a scammer, male or female, creates a false personal profile and makes contact with you via an online dating agency or even a specialised chat room. The scammer says that they are seeking romance or a soul mate but are really out to steal not only your heart but your cash too.”
This isn’t just the Nigerian ‘send a money order’ scam we are all hopefully familiar with now.
Other forms of scams involve getting you to visit premium rate websites or call premium rate telephone numbers.
There is also the ‘I want to meet you but need flight money, insurance, cash, visa’ or whatever but of course on the day of travel their second cousin twice removed suddenly has a sick gerbil so they can’t travel. Of course they can’t possibly get a refund but if you send more money they will travel next month.
Over the next few posts we will look at some very specific scams, how to spot a dating scammer, the dating scammers toolbox and how to avoid scammers on online dating sites.
Where do scammers hang out?
Scammers are more often than not found on free dating websites, they are in this game to make money not spend it.
Those that do pay to join dating sites will join the largest international sites, as this offers a greater number of potential victims but no site is totally safe from scammers.
They will also join forums and chat rooms specifically for lonely hearts or dating.
People often mistakenly believe that scammers are male Africans but a quick look at the US Embassy website in Russia has an excellent question and answer section about internet dating scams which tells a very different story.
Victims of dating scams are stupid
If this is your opinion then think again. Surveys of victims of dating scams have shown that most are well educated, hard working singles and dare I say very ‘normal’ people.
One of the reasons these people get away with online dating scams is because their victims all believe they are not the type of person who could fall for a scammer, often believing they can spot a scammer a mile away.
We tend to hear more about women being scammed than men because men are less likely to come forward and admit they were scammed, however both men and women are regularly scammed online.
It is so important for all online daters to be educated and aware of online dating scams, which we will look at more closely in future posts. Remember to follow our 5 golden rules for online dating safety but for now we have answered the question of what is an online dating scam.
September 13th, 2010 at 4:45 am
Naira… I’m glad you found out this website! otherwise you will end up like me, trust him (Harry Cannon) to be a good and sweet talk person to play our heart easily! GOD is great! before his next move, I had found out this website. SALLY did a good job by providing info to us! thanks Sally for a job well done! I owe you.. come to Singapore and be my guest…. I am happy to show you around. For those guy, who got cheated too.. why not we be friend and we shall share our experiences, I am awaiting for your email. To Cyndi: I would love to see “Jerry and his son photo, can share with me Sally?. To: Louis Kennedy, you can have us ON again, but you must also remember this verse ” once bitten, twice shy”… good luck to you Louis!
September 13th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Hi Rosy
You are so very welcome, I’m just glad you found the information in time. I would love to come to Singapore again, I lived there as a small child, but I’ll have to wait until I find a better paying job lol.
September 13th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Hi Cyndi
Thanks for sharing them. The trouble is you can now look at them with a cynical eye but when you first receive them they make your heart beat faster .. at last a romantic caring man!!! That’s the trouble with rose tinted glasses, you see what you want to see, not what is really there.
September 13th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Cyndi was having a problem posting this one:
This is one of my first emails from “Jerry” my
“husband-to-be” … notice that he must be sending the same content
out multiple times with minor edits, as he calls his son “David” and
then “Tom” within the same note! Imagine my surprise when he told me
that he was a graduate of Princeton, with grammar like this, no way!
___________________________________________________________
Hello sweetheart…In my spare time I take David to the cinemas,well for my wife
its a sad story cos she was involved in drug trafficking and I believe in hard
work and don’t believe making through the back door,she was caught and I had to
pay $50k to get her bailed as if that was not enough she got her involved again
and she got incarcerated and when she was released I heard she went straight to
brazil for her shady dealings again,and the happy thing is that Tom lives with
me and am soooo happy about that enough of my ex,how was your night love?really
can’t wait to meet you in person and I don’t care about distance and I see in
you my future wife…
love is like an ocean
It goes down so deep
My love is like a rose
Whose beauty you want to keep.
My love is like a river
That will never end
My love is like a dove
With a beautiful message to send.
My love is like a song
That goes on and on forever
My love is like a prisoner
It’s to you that I surrender.
Take care and have a great day hun
Your Husband to be
Jerry.
September 13th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
and another:
LAST POEM THAT I AM SHARING FROM NIGERIAN … this one was just plain odd.
Overall its hard to imagine that I only knew him for a week, no?
____________________
She’d known him her entire life
She always dreamed to be his wife
Just his smile made her heart melt
But she never told him how she felt
Forever hoped to have him here
Always dreamed to hold him near
Time passed and they both did grow
But still she never let him know
Perfect chances passed her by
But she just couldn’t tell this guy
No matter what she’d ever do…
He still didn’t have a clue
But one day her whole world did end
When she heard news from a friend
About the wreck he’d gotten in…
She’d never see his smile again
Now at his grave she softly cries
The tears running from sad eyes
This hurting girl whose heart is broken
All because of love unspoken