You walk out of their place, get your key in the car door and your mobile phone sounds you have a new text message ….. it reads “love you and miss you already”.
You talk on the phone for three hours and two minutes after you put the phone down you get a text message saying “did I tell you how much I love you?”.
NOT GOOD ….. this is called smothering. It may seem cute for the first few weeks of passionate lust but is a sign of impending doom.
Anyone who is that dependent upon your attention is going to become a royal pain very quickly, jealousy and neediness are just two of the problems you will face.
Your partner may feel they are just showing you the love they feel for you but how can you miss someone and appreciate their company if they never leave your side for a moment? This is not love, it is needy selfish insecurity and is not a healthy way to carry out a relationship.
To gauge whether you are heading for a serious smothering test your new partner:
1. Next time they call just say “sorry I have to call someone but will speak to you later” … how do they react. Do they huff, think of something vital they HAVE to tell you now or simply accept what you say and say they will wait for your call?
2. Have a night off from them, say you need a night in watching Blue Peter re-runs or washing your hair. Do they call you seven times, find a reason to just pop round or go out with their friends?
3. When you are with them and hear you have a text message or call pretend you haven’t heard it and go to the bathroom. Do they take a quick look to see who is contacting you, actually read the message/answer the phone or simply tell you that you have a missed call?
4. Take note of your own thoughts and reactions. When the phone rings and it is your partner … again …. what is your immediate reaction? Do you think “what now”, “oh no not again” or “great it’s the person I love”.