Lets continue our journey through the A to Z of Love with the letter C.
The letter A stood for Admire in our A to Z of Love.
We looked at why it’s important to take time to admire your partner both mentally and physically and how this continued practice can help sustain a loving long term relationship.
Then the letter B stood for Balance in our relationships.
We suggested finding a healthy balance between work and home life, between caring for your children and caring for your partner and balancing our own sexual needs and those of our partner.
The letter C stands for Compliment. Whether you are about to go on your first date with someone, have been dating for 6 months or been married for 20 years, it is important to remember to offer sincere compliments occasionally.
If you are in a long term relationship it is really important to offer regular compliments to your partner. Whether you compliment them on a nicely cooked meal, their parenting or work skills, their abilities at a hobby or if you just regularly remind them of one attributes that makes you love them … everyone enjoys being told what makes them special.
We not only have to learn how to give a sincere compliment but also how to receive one.
Rules for offering compliments:
Be sincere
People have built in radars for insincere compliments so don’t just stand around wracking your brains trying to think of anything you can say to offer a compliment. Yes it’s nice if you can offer a compliment when you first greet someone but it’s better to say nothing at first and wait for inspiration to grab you so you sound sincere.
Use Sparingly
If someone compliments you every ten minutes, even if they are being sincere, it becomes meaningless or they begin to look a bit creepy. That doesn’t mean compliments should be reserved for Birthdays and Christmas but keep it to a maximum of one sincere compliment a week.
Be Specific
“You look nice” is a seriously over-used compliment and is pretty meaningless, as is using compliments the person has heard a thousand times before. Compliments should be personal and should make them feel 6 inches taller. “That shirt looks nice on you” should be “That shirt suits you, the colour brings out the blue in your eyes” (he’ll feel great next time he puts that shirt on) and “You look really pretty” should be “That hairstyle really suits your features”. Pick something specific about the person and use that to compliment them for example “You have a really infectious laugh” or “You have a really good eye for colour/art/interior design”.
Be Original
Try to compliment people on personality traits or physical abilities rather than just the way they look. What is it you like about the person, is it the way they love their pets, their kindness to others or can they swim like a fish or sing like a bird? Do they have a great memory or can they finish the daily crossword while you are still on the first clue? These are the compliments that mean the most because looks are not something we can control but personality traits or physical abilities are things we put effort into learning.
Ask a Question
Many people find it very difficult to accept a compliment, so if possible end your compliment with a question to allow them to answer you instead of responding to the compliment. For example “I really admire the time you give to charity work. What got you involved with it?”.
Practice Giving Compliments
Many people find it difficult to give compliments because they don’t do it very often. Learning to give compliments is so simple, whether it’s a shop assistant, dentist, colleague at work or your next door neighbour .. when you think something nice about them simply say it. It’s easier if you start with your own gender. I just love the smile on someones face when I pay them an unexpected compliment and the more you see the reaction to compliments the more you want to do it.
Rules for accepting a compliment
No Negativity
If someone says your hairstyle suits you do not reply with “I think it looks better shorter/longer/a different colour”. If they say your shirt suits you don’t say “It would look better if I lost a few pounds”. Never respond with “Are you blind”. Negatively responding to compliments will deter people from complimenting you in the future and shows your low self esteem.
Say Thank You
Look them in the eye, smile and say thank you.
That’s it, there’s nothing else to graciously accepting a compliment.
Wed, Sep 2, 2009
A - Z of Love