There are certain topics you should not discuss on a first date, no matter what. We all know when on a first date not to discuss our bowel movements but for some reason I keep meeting people who discuss topics which put me off totally.
A first date can find your mouth working before your brain has had a chance to catch up, especially if you don’t have an active social life and the opportunity to discuss things that are troubling you. If need be sit down for half an hour before going on a first date and write out 500 times “I will not discuss these 5 things”.
The following subjects are now taboo for you to discuss with anyone but your family, close friends or psychiatrist.
1. The Ex – your ex is the past and you are trying to embark on your future, so don’t drag your ex with you.
Do not discuss the horrible divorce, their infidelity or the continued battle over money, your date doesn’t want or need to hear about it, they are simply trying to work out if they are attracted to you.
The other side of the coin is praising your ex. I have been on many dates where I have spent a very boring couple of hours listening to how perfect the ex was. She was a brilliant mother, career woman, cook, had the cleanest house in the world, you shared the most amazing sex life, etc. Clearly this woman wore a cape and her knickers outside her tights. Yawn.
Everyone take note – this conversation clearly indicates a lack of basic intelligence on your part. Obviously you were with Wonder Woman/Man and must have been a really bad husband/wife/partner or you would still be with them. Not a great advertisement wouldn’t you agree.
Lastly you have just me that I could never live up to your ex and you are clearly not over them yet. Hey great start, very well done, I’ll just get my coat.
2. Depression or Health Issues – if you suffer from depression or other health issues the first date is not the right time to discuss them. Yes it may be important for your date to find out about if you continue seeing each other but give them a chance to get to know you a little first.
Talking about clinical depression or other illness is simply giving them a reason not to want to see you again, at a time when they are just trying to find out the basics about you. First dates should be a positive experience and not a deep heart to heart conversation.
3. Financial or Career Difficulties – these are personal issues that should never be discussed with a new date. If you talk about them you are sending very negative signals, these issues suggest you do not have control over your life and would make anyone nervous about entering a relationship with you.
Discussing careers should be restricted to general chat, if you hate your career or are currently suing your employer then simply gloss over that when asked about your career and say you are currently looking to change career and then talk about what you would like to do as a career in the future.
This keeps the conversation light and positive, which is always more attractive than hearing about your bitch of a colleague or your bullying boss.
Discussing finances sends all sorts of signals, from “they are loaded and think I just want their money” to “will I have to pay for all our dates if I get involved with them?” or “are they hinting they want me to help them out”. Simply avoid discussing finance at all.
4. Bad Dating Luck – telling someone that you only ever meet wasters or tarts is a very bad idea.
Firstly you are indirectly suggesting they are probably a waster or tart, because that is the only type of person you seem to meet.
Secondly they will question what it is about you that these people are attracted to or what it is about you that seems to be attractive to them.
We all have bad dating experiences and sometimes we have a string of them. Talking light heartedly about the occasional nightmare date is fine but to suggest a string of unsuccessful dates is simply suggesting there is something unattractive about you.
5. Future Relationship Plans – this goes both ways and either can put a new date off.
On a first date discussing going on holiday together or talking about the job prospects in your dates home town just smacks of desperation and a desperate person is not an attractive person. You may be totally smitten on your first date but leave the wedding plans until you at least know a little more about them, specifically if they are also smitten with you.
Also making a big thing about telling your date you don’t ever want to get married or settle down is not at all appealing. You may as well just say “I am not emotionally available but if you fancy a casual affair then I’m your man/woman”. It is also like a red reg to a bull for some people, they become determined to be the one to change your mind so you could be creating the very situation you are trying to avoid.
You may see it as being up front and truthful but it can surely wait until after the first date. If nothing else it is very arrogant to assume that everyone you go on a date with see’s you as potential marriage material.
6. Sex – some people love to talk about it and some don’t like to discuss it at all but on a first date you don’t know how to read them well enough to know when they feel uncomfortable or you have crossed a line.
They may just be discussing the topic because you are, while all the time thinking ‘get me out of here’. It is one thing to be a little flirty and suggestive but discussing your favourite position or an ex partners fetish is a total no-no on a first date, no matter how funny it seems.
Something as simple as recounting a funny story which involves you at some point having sex with someone else is just a total turn off for someone that doesn’t know.