My brother met his wife of four years online, so without doubt you can meet people and fall in love through online dating sites.
However the question is can you fall in love with someone you have only spoken to online and not met in real life?
The simple answer, in my opinion, is a resounding NO.
You can certainly feel as though you are in love, the attention, the like-minded conversations, sensual flirting and even shared goals in life but until you meet in the flesh you have no idea if there is any chemistry between you.
Most people that search for love online are at a stage in their life where they are ready to fall in love, they want to find someone special so they often have feelings of ‘love’ before they have really spent time with someone.
Flirting online also makes you feel closer to someone, people say things online that they would never dream of saying in the early stages of dating offline. Time that you would spend dating offline (eating, going to the pictures etc) you actually spend online sharing secrets, sending naughty messages and creating an atmosphere of intimacy.
What you are in love with is the idea, the fantasy of someone but not the reality. In your mind you create a vision of what life could be with that person, how they would kiss or touch you, the things you would do together and your mind simply fills in the blanks with what you hope that person would be in your ideal world.
Meeting in real life can be a surprise, to put it lightly. You can meet people online that seem absolutely ideal for you, you discuss your lives as though you are destined to be together forever but when you meet offline there is simply no chemistry. Reality simply does not match the fantasy in your mind and of course that is a great disappointment.
Humans like to think of themselves as ‘higher beings’ but we are in fact animals, biological creatures that have instinctive reactions, we live by our senses. There have been many scientific studies about love at first smell and all studies show that we are attracted (or not) depending on our senses, including smell.
This means that attraction over the internet is only a meeting of minds, an agreement that two people could offer each other what they are looking for but until you actually meet off line you may feel emotionally attached to someone but I doubt you could actually be in love.
Love grows over time and is not the result of emails, so being ‘in love’ online simply means that you have met someone with the potential for a loving relationship but until you meet it is not reality, you are not IN LOVE.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:25 am
I actually did fall in love thru online chats and mails. It was just the two of us talking. In person I felt lots of chemistry…he too..but we both are very shy. I ad been hurt by men…he is just socially inept. But online and invisible..we shared our hearts. At firrst in person it was awkward..but soon we relaxed..well I was the most nervous. He was just confused. I began to hug him..kiss him..tickle him…just like on emails…now we are official.
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Congratulations Florence, I am so pleased it worked out for you. What you are saying actually confirms the content of the article though. You say that in person you both had chemistry .. that is the important issue. You simply don’t know if there is chemistry or you can really love someone until you actually meet in person, until then it is simply the “idea” of loving that person.
October 4th, 2009 at 4:10 am
Yes. Now that we have been in a relationship for a while there are some problems. He led me to believe he was quite alone in the world. Not so. And he is away a lot and unpredictable. Moody and controlling. I didnt know he was so active in international politics…he is in lots of trouble…having many problems..and doesnt discuss things..just clams up..shuts down.
October 5th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Hi Florence
Men, generally, do react differently to women in times of trouble. They tend to retreat into themselves, whereas we share our worries with our loved ones.
It’s a good example of why we need to take time to get to understand someone’s life when we are chatting online and don’t just concentrate on the lovey dovey stuff but watch out for signs that all is not as it seems.