Does your man flirt with other women?

Tue, May 20, 2008

Adultery, Dating Tips, Dating Tips for Women

If your man flirts with other women this doesn’t necessarily mean he will stray. When confronted about flirting in front of you most men will deny they do it, simply because they are unaware they do.

Of course I am not talking about the level of flirting where he is actively trying to seek something outside your relationship by asking for phone numbers, this is intentional and is grounds for a serious ditching. I am talking about the normal degree of whiplash men of all ages tend to get when a pretty girl passes by or they can’t help but make puppy eyes at the girl in the supermarket, this is usually purely unintentional.

There is no point getting all bent out of shape about it and the first thing to remember is that he is with you, not her. Keep that in your mind, use it as a mantra if jealousy rears it’s head and read my tips on dealing with jealousy. He has chosen to be with you and yet there are plenty more fish in the sea if he didn’t want to be with you.

There is also no point in assuming he thinks there is something wrong with you. When you are out with your female friends you discuss gorgeous movie stars and the hunk at the gym, we all do but that doesn’t mean you think your man is ugly or fat, it just means you recognise the beauty in someone else.

First you have to decide if it is innocent and unintentional or if he really is trying it on with someone else. This is usually quite obvious because if he is unintentionally flirting and you touch his arm this should draw his attention back to you. If he ignores you and continues flirting then you need to take a good look at whether you are in the right relationship.

If he is just being friendly, watching a pretty girl pass by or trying to butter up his bosses wife then you really have little to worry about.

My husband speaks Arabic and when I first got married a couple of years ago we were together at his work when a pretty girl walked past and he made a comment in Arabic to his friends. I wish I had had a video camera with me that day to record the look on his face when I said “do you think it’s acceptable to make such a comment with your wife in the room”. He tried the old “you didn’t translate what I said correctly” because he hadn’t realised that I had started to learn Arabic but he soon realised I had.

He was very relieved when I made a joke about it but I did explain that whilst I understand men naturally look at pretty women I found it insulting when he did it in front of me. It only took a couple more loud coughs at the right moment before he quickly realised that oggling pretty girls was a no-no in front of me. He now goes overboard and mimics an ostrich whenever a pretty girl walks in, which I admit I do find reassuring but we are both aware and content that he still peeks when I am not around.

If you make a big jealous song and dance about this issue you will start to blow the issue out of proportion. Do you ever look at a man and think “he’s handsome” or “look at that six pack”? Of course you do but that doesn’t mean you are going to run over and rip his clothes off.

Try to keep such a discussion light hearted but serious enough to get your point across. If he says he is unaware he is doing it then don’t assume he is lying, tell him you will touch him on the arm when you catch him doing it so he becomes aware of when he is does it. If he loves you and is committed to your relationship he will be happy with this suggestion.

If he says he is aware he is doing it but is only being friendly then discuss, again without a shouting match, what each of you finds acceptable and agree on a compromise which suits you both.

If you believe he should focus all of his intention on you all of the time then I would suggest the issue lies with your own insecurities and you are likely to suffocate him. Ask yourself whether he flirted with you when you first met and if this was part of his friendly charm, if the answer is yes then why should you demand he totally change his behaviour?

Remember nobody can go through life wearing blinkers and the perfect night out at a party means that a couple arrive together, are both happy to mingle separately and then go home together. This is an indication of a committed, secure relationship.

There is an excellent article in Time magazine explaining why we flirt and may help you to understand your man’s (un)intentions.

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Dating Advice, Dating Tips, Flirting, Jealousy

37 Responses to “Does your man flirt with other women?”

Mansi Says:
April 16th, 2009 at 7:29 am

I think this article is amazing. Quite true of the way it happens. Pretty practical yet handles the problem easily. I feel the same, that guys will always be indulged in flirting, we cant change it. Just that most important is despite the flirtatious nature how does your guy treat you- Does he still find you hot, sweet, charming, beautiful, worth listening. Can you still make him skip a heart beat? Can you still turn his head once you are dressed? Can he still prioritise you wherever needed? Does he take you for granted or the relation you share for granted?

Sally Says:
April 21st, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Hi Mansi, sorry for the late reply, I have been computerless for a week. I have always been fond of the saying “he can read the menu but can’t order any food”. If a woman can accept that men do look at women and some do flirt without realising they are doing it then the women would be much happier in themselves, as long as the man puts in the effort to show her she is the one he cares about.

Mansi Says:
April 21st, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Hey Sally,

I agree with you on this completely. Even my guy looksa at other women even when we are walking together. Bu little can I do about it – so I IGNORE !!
But ya when we are together he truly cares for me. TOUCHWOOD

Sally Says:
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:11 am

Hi Mansi,

I am so pleased to hear that, sounds like you’ve got a good man. It’s really not such a big deal as long as they only look but some women drive themselves to distraction and ruin their relationship over it, they only hurt themselves in the long run.

Mansi Says:
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:08 am

Hi Sally,

Truly said, but there are some trust issues that i have on him due to some reason – he kind of deviated some time back..(will sound a little contradictory to what i had written in the last comment)- Iam trying my best to build it back..Its like when we are together Iam fine, but i really do not like him going out with other women (that too those women who have an ultimate crush on him)-basically late nights. I just IGNORE it all, coz I love him and want this relation running. His Ex-GF calls him sometimes who desperately wants to get back to him (he had a 5 year relation with her) – but he tries to shove her off on this, otherwise he speaks to her nicely..Iam just trying to let go off all these aprehensions and foster the bond. He has a vague idea of all this… But he tries his best to give me all the attention and love as well. He’s a flirtatious soul and believes in some healthy flirting.. and loves gals to woo on him..there’s so much that i really really IGNORE..and if i dont and start panicing on everything..it doesnt solve any purpose..I ust love him thats all i know..and yaa he loves me too Touchwood

Sally Says:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:20 am

Hi Mansi

So sorry to take so long to respond, my laptop has been dead for a fortnight so am using sticky keyboards in internet cafes at the moment YUK.

What do you mean about him going out with other women? Do you mean social nights out with female friends?

OK so he deviated a while ago .. that is not the end of the world if he is really trying to rebuild your trust BUT he must make a real effort and you must be able to see this. He has to accept he did wrong so must put in some hard work to regain your trust .. it is not just up to you to ignore his behaviour and smile sweetly while hurting inside.

Only you can make the judgement as to whether his flirting is an innocent part of his character or something to worry about. If it seems innocent then yes ignore it but only to a point. You must also communicate with him, tell him what you can cope with and what hurts you.

One reason men and women find it hard to communicate is men live in the moment, women do not. This results in us getting a mood on and dragging up every small fault we ever witnessed in him. Bad move. If he does something that makes you uncomfortable you must tell him but do it in a very singular way. Only mention that one instance, say something like “I can cope with your casual flirting but today you went OTT with the girl in the cafe and it hurt my feelings, please don’t do it again”.

Men can cope with that sort of thing, it tells them exactly what they did to upset you without a screaming match dragging up a list of wrongs from the past. You then watch him to see whether or not he gets the message, if he does it again only mention that time .. of course if he keeps repeating it you can only do this so often until you have to realise he isn’t willing to change.

At the end of the day you must value yourself above all, don’t drive yourself nuts with things that are not important but also don’t sell yourself short and put up with things that hurt you just for a peaceful life. Never let the fear of losing somone make you live an unhappy life but if you can see he is really trying then give him credit for it, remember to say thank you when he puts you first and just be straight and tell him when he does something you don’t like.

Mansi Says:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Hi,

Dont be sorry plz…though i was waiting for a reply from you. I believe that you have quite rightly put it all in the above para…appreciated !! He’s trying, thats visible..I have always pointed out that i dont appreciate him going out with his girl friends late nights, so he avoids it all now. I try my best, never to drag the topic of his deviation..dont want to always live in past..that moment hurts me the most.

I have started telling him sometimes whatever hurts me now..have started ventilating myself, coz it would have suffocated me and would have hampered the relation. But Sally, trust u me, i have been very open hearted, open minded in accepting his deviation even and i have made my career secondary when its about him. Thats how i love him…get it from him as well.

He’s someone who likes me to be straight about everything rather than beating around the bush. There are times when i expect him to understand everything but he would tell me that I could have been explicit about the problem. My point of view is that we dont need to tell each other everything what may hurt us, what may not..since we love each other, this should be a part of understanding. Eg: That day i saw his snaps in his orkut profile (i dont have an orkut profile, my friend does) so i visited my guy’s profile from my friend’s profile..i was taken aback to see his ex-GF’s snap there (was a 5 yr relation), i told him that i was shocked, he told me that he did not even remember that her snap is still there and told me that he’ll remove it. I dont know what feeling took over me, i thought its no point asking and making him do something, so i said ‘no, its ok’..he forgot to delete it (mind u- my snap is not in his orkut profile at all, coz once wen he had put it, his cousins and all had started questioning, though his mom is well aware of me and likes me, his brother likes me too…M an Indian and this family liking is considered very imp in our case..He had a break up with his Ex coz she wasnt fit for his family)…. so today morning we had a fight coz he wanted me to explicitly confess that i did not appreciate his ex’s snap in his orkut…(thankfully he doesnt have any feelings for his Ex anymore, took him some 3-4 months to move on from her)..

Towards the end of conversation, i said iam sorry, i’ll be more straight in communicating my feelings, but i did not want to force you to do something..wanted you to realise it and it was a ground level expectation that u will remove her snap…anyways, it did not crop up in any feud..We hate to fight..everything solved and i said that i just dont like her snap there..

There are at times some hitches left here and there and iam quite emotionally dependent on him..Iam just keeping my fingers crossed and want to marry him and even he has pretty clear in his head that he wants to marry me…

I have got him with much struggle in my life..i have been more skewed towards him in the stat, now even he’s very caring and loving for me and i just dont want to lose him..i call him my prized possession..

Mansi Says:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:03 pm

and ya..answer to your question- going out with female friends means meeting them- just he and whoever that friend is..i dont object it if its not late night. neither do i object it if he goes in a group.

But since the time he has deviated, though he’s trying to build the trust back, yet i find it really difficult…iam trying to cope up. to carry a relation on, trust has to be there…

Awaiting your reply…

Sally Says:
April 30th, 2009 at 9:17 am

I wouldn’t object to going out with a group of friends but must admit I would draw the line at him going out alone with a female friend .. it’s just too much like a date for me to be comfortable with given his previous indiscretion. I would think if he is trying to build the trust back he would understand that going out alone with a female friend is going to make you suspicious or uncomfortable.

Sally Says:
April 30th, 2009 at 11:26 am

Hi Mansi,

Sorry but I agree with your man about the photo of his ex, if you didn’t like it being there you should have said so and asked him to remove it. It isn’t about forcing him to do something, it’s about communicating what you need and want to him. He cannot read your mind and even if you ask him to remove it nothing means he has to but at least you have told him what you want. By not asking to remove it you were hoping he would underdstand your feelings and remove it anyway .. read the post I just made about “why doesn’t he understand my problem”.

The problem with us girls is we understand each other, if I casually mention to you that “oh look Marni, you have a photo of my husband on your orkut account .. cough, cough” it would take you about 5 minutes to remove it because as women we think with our feelings so you would understand I didn’t like it even though I didn’t say so but we can make the mistake of expecting men to think in the same way and they simply don’t. If you want something you have to ask for it, no beating around the bush or waiting for him to realise and just do it, then feeling hurt when he doesn’t.

You will find that he would much prefer you to say “I don’t like you doing that” than you saying nothing and being upset about it. If he loves you he doesn’t want to hurt you but he needs you to communicate with him and tell him what will make you happy or what makes you upset, then he can avoid doing it.

Mansi Says:
May 1st, 2009 at 11:46 am

Hi Sally,

I agree with you, now actually i have decided to be upfront with him on everything…it actually is not fair to expect him to understand everything without me even saying it..will certainly read your post, the articles that you write are very nice and they make complete sense to me.Iam sure that he loves me. and will not want to hurt me.
Thanks…

Mansi Says:
May 7th, 2009 at 8:17 am

Hi Sally

was just wonderung if u can suggest me on this- if a guy is in contact with his ex Girl Friend, then how should the current Girl Firend handle this?

Sally Says:
May 13th, 2009 at 3:19 am

Hi Mansi

This is quite a big subject so I shall do a post about it soon but for now I would be asking him why he feels the need to stay in touch with his ex. I am assuming this is the 4 year relationship he had but his family did not approve of her .. if so that would make me feel uncomfortable about an ongoing friendship between them.

It is possible to remain friends with an ex with no romantic feelings toward them but that is quite rare, usually people remain in contact with an ex because one of them feels they have unfinished business.

Talk to him about it, ask if she was so dependent on him that he now still feels emotionally responsible for her … if yes then he needs to transfer those feelings to you. At the end of the day moving forward into your future together must be a priority over trying to stay connected to the past.

Mansi Says:
May 13th, 2009 at 7:24 pm

Hi Sally,

I asked him if he has some emotional connect with his ex still? or does it bother him if he speaks with her? or is he still possessive about her? jealous if she’s with a guy etc etc..he denies it all. Just says that coz of a 5 yrs relation, he cant shove her off if she calls. As of now coz of recession my guy is changing his job and this ex is trying to help him alot in changing, though i feel that she’s just trying to find excuses to speak with him…he tells me at times that he feels the same.. somethings are just out of my control Sally !!

Sally Says:
May 15th, 2009 at 2:17 am

Hi Mansi,

Here’s a couple of things for you to think about. Your guy is discussing this with you and isn’t trying to keep his communication with his ex a secret … that can only be a good thing. The fact that he says he also thinks sometimes she is helping him just to find excuses to communicate is also a positive, it means he is aware of this and hasn’t gone running back to her. If he was still interested in her romantically then he would recognise her signals and do something about it.

5 years is a long time to be with someone and you mentioned your culture, which I believe brings men up to feel responsible for their women emotionally and physically, so it’s not surprising he finds it hard to withdraw from her .. although he must take your feelings into consideration.

As long as he is being open and frank about her communications I really wouldn’t worry too much. If you are sure in your heart that he loves you and doesn’t want her back then let it go or you’ll drive yourself nuts. Let’s face it if he no longer has romantic feelings for her then you should be much more worried about who he might meet tomorrow than who he knew in the past.

Mansi Says:
May 17th, 2009 at 3:45 pm

Hi Sally,
You understand people very well i guess, even without meeting us you have penned down all accurate stuff i guess.. Me and him just had an argument yesterday about his ex. And i really think we shouldnt be killing our relation coz of someone who isnt worth it even.His ex called up twice yaesterday when we both were together. I asked him to take her call n tell het that he’s busy and with me. He did but with a little hitch that i sensed. Anyhow, i think that he isnt lying to me, i cant leave a detective after him and i dont wanna be one over possessive cribbing and nagging girl. I think the best is ttat i let go off it. There will not be much that i would be even able to do if he starts lying with me..For eg, he tells me he has a meeting and goes and meets her (their offices are nearby)..i wont even get to know it..so i guess i’ll need to give him space n time , so that he never lies n hides stuff from me

Sally Says:
May 17th, 2009 at 8:50 pm

Hi Mansi

I think any man would have a little concerned about letting you speak to the ex, it is not an indication of any feeling for her but a worry that it will start a fight between you and her if either of you are rude. However he did let you speak to her so that shows he is with you and isn’t trying to hide that from the ex.

If a man has a happy home life he rarely goes to another woman. Why would he if he is getting what he needs at home. If you start nagging and being jealous then he is more likely to go out with friends and meet somone new.

I think you have to trust him on this one but let him know it makes you a little uncomfortable. Don’t be emotional when you say it, just state it as a fact and then he can never say you were not straight with him about how you feel.

I was talking to a friend about this the other day, she has 2 ex husbands and they are all friends. She goes out shopping and to the gym with the ex husbands new wives. If you can be confident that the emotional side of a relationship is over then there is no reason the friendship side cannot remain.

Mansi Says:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Hi Sally,

I guess you are pretty much right in saying..that in case the emotional side is over then there’s nothing left as such..My guy was telling me that he had a fight with his Ex last evening, she was trying to make fun of me. He hated that, blasted her off. They both hung up the phone..yesterday was the first time i ever told him to stop speaking with her. I can still fell that she cant take the fact that me and he are happy together, she’s jealous, actually she wants him back..Today she happened to sms him asking for a sorry for last day’s fight, he wasnt rude, but a little reluctant for sureand did not welcome her as such..guess thats a positive sign..

Sally Says:
May 20th, 2009 at 7:57 pm

It’s a very positive sign Mansi, it means that mentally he is getting ready to move her in to the past. May I suggest you don’t push the issue, just let nature take it’s course now.

You should also be delighted that he is defending you. He may have made a mistake in the past but from what you tell me he is trying to put things right.

Leo Says:
July 12th, 2009 at 1:15 pm

When I happen to talk to some women, I would carry on a conversation about nothing, stuff in their lives, stuff in my life (With, and about my life with her.) I am a people person, and I can talk up a storm. At times I will talk so much that I don’t think about the other people around me (wife). I end up ignoring them unintentionally for a time. And with out making any advances to the other person, that I am aware of, I will be accused of flirting with that person. How can I make myself aware of my flirting so I don’t disrespect my wife? Or is she, with her jeleous nature, perceving the conversations wrong?

silentletterk Says:
July 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm

You know this is totally true. But I hope every woman commenting that ‘oh, that’s just something they do and it’s nothing we can do about it’ knows that they have just stabbed their own sex in the back. You are ruining this world for young girls everywhere. Just like we can help it: we don’t oggle at passing men freely: they can too. It is this stupid society that teaches men that they can do whatever they want without consequence and that women have to follow behind and just except it because that is just the way it goes. F— that. I’m tired of it and if I ever have sons I am going to teach them that it’s not exceptable to do that. We can’t go on just pretending the things that they do don’t hurt us, and aren’t morally right. I’m done pretending.

Sally Says:
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:28 am

Hi silentletterk

I’m just wondering if when you are in a relationship you ever look at men, perhaps when you are out with the girls?

As I say in the article, of course it’s not ok for men to flirt in a manner where they are actually trying to start up a relationship or get her telephone number but everyone looks … men look at women and women look at men. Failure to accept that fact simply means you’ve never been on a girls night out.

It’s all well and good insisting that men change and stop looking but when are we going to insist that women stop looking too?

Sally Says:
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:36 am

Hi Leo

I’m afraid without actually meeting you and your wife it would be difficulty to say if your wife is too jealous or if you are crossing a line, albeit unintentionally.

Personally I would attack the problem from two angles.

Firstly you need to sit down and discuss the problem with your wife, ask her outright if she trusts you, if she feels secure in your marriage and what about your behaviour is making her feel insecure. Suggest a signal between you both, she can touch you in a certain way or use a codeword when she thinks you are flirting to alert you to it and then examine what you were doing but please remember that a marriage doesn’t mean you can never speak to the opposite gender again. You and your wife have to find a level where you can socialise without feeling scared of retribution but she also feels secure in your relationship. Nothing can kill a marriage stone dead quicker than suffocating jealousy so make sure your wife is also aware of your feelings … marriage is always a compromise.

Secondly as you are aware of your wife’s jealousy you should try to include her more in your conversations, even if that means looking over regularly and winking at her, just so she knows you are still aware of her. A nice compliment on the way home will also help to make her feel more secure.

Wendy Says:
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:28 am

silentletterk, i am in total agreement with you. There are decent men out there who have the out most respect for their girlfriends or wives and they don’t stare or flirt around like whores. I wonder what men would do if their girlfriends or wives stared at other men while they were at a restaurant, or at the beach. They would not like it one bit. There are some decent men left, but sadly they are few and scarce. To accept a man that ogles women and call it normal, is not acceptable. Men must learn that women are treasures that are not to be treated like jokes.

I had to teach my ex a lesson. He was a huge asshole that i tried talking too about his flirting, but he began flirting even more…. so i started flirting and staring at attractive men and asking for phone numbers. he was not very happy. He learned the hard way But i guess he is some other woman’s problem now.

Sally Says:
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Hi Wendy

Ask yourself a question .. if you were in a supermarket with your partner, casually chatting to the male cashier and when you got into the car your partner started accusing you of flirting and ogling the cashier how would you feel or react? Wouldn’t you take it as a lack of trust from your partner and wouldn’t it frustrate you and make you feel controlled and smothered?

That is what happens when some women become jealous over the slightest glance or conversation with another woman and it must drive men nuts. Women don’t like it when their man is obsessively jealous so why shouold men put up with it.

Flirting around like a whore, ogling and asking for telephone numbers is of course totally out of order and shows a complete lack of respect for your relationship. I also agree that men would not like it if women did the same thing but I bet you still notice when a good looking man walks into a bar or restaurant. Of course that doesn’t mean you are interested in the man but you do notice him, that’s human nature.

You say “To accept a man that ogles women and call it normal, is not acceptable.” and this is where you appear to have misundestood the article. Ogling is not acceptable or normal but glancing at a pretty girl is normal and should be acceptable if you are confident in your relationship.

Something we must all keep in mind is that we ourselves give out signals to our partner which dictates how we will be treated. Imagine I send out signals to my husband which say he must focus all of his intention on me wherever we go .. sorry but it’s unrealistic, unhealthy, smothering and clearly suggests I am insecure in our relationship.

What I am trying to achieve with this article is for women to find a healthy balance between unreasonable jealousy and accepting the unacceptable. Actively seeking women to chat up or asking for telephone numbers is not acceptable but being friendly to the cashier at the supermarket or noticing a pretty girl walk past is not, in my mind, grounds for divorce or 3 nights sleeping on the sofa.

My parents are in their 60’s now and when my father looks at a woman my mother hits him playfully … the reason I say this is because my parents have been married for almost 50 years and my father would be the last person to stray but even at his age he still looks at women .. it’s what men do and women insisting they stop isn’t going to change it, it just means they won’t do it in front of us and if they only do it when we are not there then there is a higher chance of them taking further than a glance.

Also, saying that decent men are few and far between is insulting to men. Yes there are plenty of ratbags out there but there are also plenty of bitter and selfish women. There are plenty of decent men out there, who are looking for a committed relationship but of course it’s up to us to choose wisely.

Mansi Says:
September 26th, 2009 at 3:07 pm

Hey Sally…Iam back after being dormant for ages how have u been duin? I wanted to take some advice from you, not very comfortable in typing my prob on the blog, may i have any other way to communicate with u? Thanks !!

Sally Says:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:54 am

Hi Mansi

At the very top of the blog is a button called “Ask a dating question” .. just click that and you can send a private message to my personal email. Look forward to hearing from you.

Reno from Dirty Talk Phrases (2 comments.) Says:
October 3rd, 2009 at 5:30 am

Seriously… People in relationships make too much of a deal about every little thing.

Grow up.

Nicole from Background Check (11 comments.) Says:
October 17th, 2009 at 2:33 am

Guys looking and admiring every time pretty girls passes by is just a normal thing. It only shows he knows how to appreciate beauty but it doesn’t mean he don’t appreciate you! As long as you are secured and well-loved by him, there’s nothing to worry about.

angela Says:
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:38 am

hi i do have a problem i am a lot older than my man i am fat i cant walk properly because i had a hip replacement im 20 years older have been going out with him for three years he used to wind me up with other women somthing rotton like with nudes books pop star actors he does not do that anymore when i cried and said i can understand why he finds them so hot now i feel he hides that to save my feelings i felt upset because he was chatting up women for my son and told him i did not like it he could not see the problem with this but told me he would not do that again for my peace of mind recently i found out he chatted up young girls for his friend but had told me he woul never do that now im wondering how much more he is hiding like is he still intrested in the girl over tescos he told me he rally liked or did he really still like his best friend gina that he told me he was in love with when i first knew him and has carried on spending the night with but said he has never had sex with please help

Sally Says:
October 25th, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Hi Angela

You didn’t make it clear what basis your relationship is built on. Are you married, living together, in a committed relationship or just casually seeing each other? Have you stated to each other you are an item and will not see other people?

Forgive me but it sounds like you are suffering from a lack of confidence and this will affect your relationship. I am considerably older than my husband so I do understand this and sometimes I have to give myself a metaphorical slap when I let my own insecurities start to creep in.

As a stranger what I read between the lines of your message is that you asked him to stop/hide certain behaviours and now you are feeling concerned that he is hiding them.

One problem men can have with women is that if they are honest they get into trouble and if they fib they get into trouble, they can’t do right for doing wrong.

He was honest about looking at magazines and most men find airbrushed models in magazines hot, as long as they understand it is a fantasy world and they don’t allow it to become an addiction or start wanting you to dress or look like those fake images. You say he used to wind you up with these images, do you mean by looking at them or by showing you them and saying you should look/dress like that?

From what you say, when you tell him something bothers you he then stops it or hides it from you. Now you are left concerned about what he is hiding from you, so you need to pick your battles carefully.

Does he chat with these women in front of you or when you are not there? What do your friends say, do they say he is a flirt? The girl in Tesco, what did he say about her, did he say he liked her as a person or did he say he fancied her or would like to go out with her?

As for staying overnight regularly with a female friend I am afraid this is one step too far for me, i would not accept it from my husband but again it depends what basis your relationship is on.

He says he chats up women for friends and your son, this is silly really. The old “my mate fancies you” should stop in the school yard and that is something you should discuss with him.

At the end of the day does he seem committed to you, does he love you and treat you with respect? How much of his “unacceptable” behaviour would you accept from a man your own age and how much is simply your own securities.

get my girlfriend back (4 comments.) Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:29 pm

I guess one good thing is hes being up front her but that all seems like odd behavior to me. How much does she really know what this guy is up to?
get my girlfriend back´s last blog ..

Sally Says:
December 1st, 2009 at 10:37 pm

Hi Get my GF back

But how do we know what anyone is really up to? If casual flirting was a sure sign of straying then I doubt the innocent spouse in adultery divorces would all say they were the last to know and very often it is the person you would least suspect that is getting up to all sorts behind their partners back.

Steve from Pay Off Credit Card Debt (4 comments.) Says:
January 8th, 2010 at 3:46 am

Hi Sally,

I’ll admit that I do look at other women and flirt from time to time. Not in front of my wife though. It’s not that I’m trying to be sneaky, I am just respectful of my wife and her feelings. Besides when I’m with her she’s the only one I want to look at

Steve
Steve@Pay Off Credit Card Debt´s last blog ..The 3 Best Reasons To Use Cash

Sally Says:
January 10th, 2010 at 5:37 am

Hi Steve

That’s what I like to see, a chap who can dig his way out of a hole he himself dug lol.

The good news is you are perfectly normal and have blood running through your veins. The bad news is your wife looks at men when you are not there. However both make for a healthy normal relationship.

sachin from women's workout (1 comments.) Says:
January 18th, 2010 at 10:05 pm

HI,
I think this is really a great topic to discuss because most of the men are doing the same thing. So i think this thing shows that your man is really not in love with you because if he is flirting with other women then it is sure that he want more.
Anyways keep it up and keep continue with your valuable thoughts.

Sally Says:
January 19th, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Hi Sachin

Why would you think that your man doesn’t love you if he flirts? It is certainly not respectful to your partner to flirt with other people but I can’t agree it means they don’t love you.

Mansi Says:
April 16th, 2009 at 7:29 am
I think this article is amazing. Quite true of the way it happens. Pretty practical yet handles the problem easily. I feel the same, that guys will always be indulged in flirting, we cant change it. Just that most important is despite the flirtatious nature how does your guy treat you- Does he still find you hot, sweet, charming, beautiful, worth listening. Can you still make him skip a heart beat? Can you still turn his head once you are dressed? Can he still prioritise you wherever needed? Does he take you for granted or the relation you share for granted?
Sally Says:
April 21st, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Hi Mansi, sorry for the late reply, I have been computerless for a week. I have always been fond of the saying “he can read the menu but can’t order any food”. If a woman can accept that men do look at women and some do flirt without realising they are doing it then the women would be much happier in themselves, as long as the man puts in the effort to show her she is the one he cares about.
Mansi Says:
April 21st, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Hey Sally,

I agree with you on this completely. Even my guy looksa at other women even when we are walking together. Bu little can I do about it – so I IGNORE !!
But ya when we are together he truly cares for me. TOUCHWOOD
Sally Says:
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:11 am
Hi Mansi,

I am so pleased to hear that, sounds like you’ve got a good man. It’s really not such a big deal as long as they only look but some women drive themselves to distraction and ruin their relationship over it, they only hurt themselves in the long run.
Mansi Says:
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:08 am
Hi Sally,

Truly said, but there are some trust issues that i have on him due to some reason – he kind of deviated some time back..(will sound a little contradictory to what i had written in the last comment)- Iam trying my best to build it back..Its like when we are together Iam fine, but i really do not like him going out with other women (that too those women who have an ultimate crush on him)-basically late nights. I just IGNORE it all, coz I love him and want this relation running. His Ex-GF calls him sometimes who desperately wants to get back to him (he had a 5 year relation with her) – but he tries to shove her off on this, otherwise he speaks to her nicely..Iam just trying to let go off all these aprehensions and foster the bond. He has a vague idea of all this… But he tries his best to give me all the attention and love as well. He’s a flirtatious soul and believes in some healthy flirting.. and loves gals to woo on him..there’s so much that i really really IGNORE..and if i dont and start panicing on everything..it doesnt solve any purpose..I ust love him thats all i know..and yaa he loves me too Touchwood
Sally Says:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:20 am
Hi Mansi

So sorry to take so long to respond, my laptop has been dead for a fortnight so am using sticky keyboards in internet cafes at the moment YUK.

What do you mean about him going out with other women? Do you mean social nights out with female friends?

OK so he deviated a while ago .. that is not the end of the world if he is really trying to rebuild your trust BUT he must make a real effort and you must be able to see this. He has to accept he did wrong so must put in some hard work to regain your trust .. it is not just up to you to ignore his behaviour and smile sweetly while hurting inside.

Only you can make the judgement as to whether his flirting is an innocent part of his character or something to worry about. If it seems innocent then yes ignore it but only to a point. You must also communicate with him, tell him what you can cope with and what hurts you.

One reason men and women find it hard to communicate is men live in the moment, women do not. This results in us getting a mood on and dragging up every small fault we ever witnessed in him. Bad move. If he does something that makes you uncomfortable you must tell him but do it in a very singular way. Only mention that one instance, say something like “I can cope with your casual flirting but today you went OTT with the girl in the cafe and it hurt my feelings, please don’t do it again”.

Men can cope with that sort of thing, it tells them exactly what they did to upset you without a screaming match dragging up a list of wrongs from the past. You then watch him to see whether or not he gets the message, if he does it again only mention that time .. of course if he keeps repeating it you can only do this so often until you have to realise he isn’t willing to change.

At the end of the day you must value yourself above all, don’t drive yourself nuts with things that are not important but also don’t sell yourself short and put up with things that hurt you just for a peaceful life. Never let the fear of losing somone make you live an unhappy life but if you can see he is really trying then give him credit for it, remember to say thank you when he puts you first and just be straight and tell him when he does something you don’t like.
Mansi Says:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Hi,

Dont be sorry plz…though i was waiting for a reply from you. I believe that you have quite rightly put it all in the above para…appreciated !! He’s trying, thats visible..I have always pointed out that i dont appreciate him going out with his girl friends late nights, so he avoids it all now. I try my best, never to drag the topic of his deviation..dont want to always live in past..that moment hurts me the most.

I have started telling him sometimes whatever hurts me now..have started ventilating myself, coz it would have suffocated me and would have hampered the relation. But Sally, trust u me, i have been very open hearted, open minded in accepting his deviation even and i have made my career secondary when its about him. Thats how i love him…get it from him as well.

He’s someone who likes me to be straight about everything rather than beating around the bush. There are times when i expect him to understand everything but he would tell me that I could have been explicit about the problem. My point of view is that we dont need to tell each other everything what may hurt us, what may not..since we love each other, this should be a part of understanding. Eg: That day i saw his snaps in his orkut profile (i dont have an orkut profile, my friend does) so i visited my guy’s profile from my friend’s profile..i was taken aback to see his ex-GF’s snap there (was a 5 yr relation), i told him that i was shocked, he told me that he did not even remember that her snap is still there and told me that he’ll remove it. I dont know what feeling took over me, i thought its no point asking and making him do something, so i said ‘no, its ok’..he forgot to delete it (mind u- my snap is not in his orkut profile at all, coz once wen he had put it, his cousins and all had started questioning, though his mom is well aware of me and likes me, his brother likes me too…M an Indian and this family liking is considered very imp in our case..He had a break up with his Ex coz she wasnt fit for his family)…. so today morning we had a fight coz he wanted me to explicitly confess that i did not appreciate his ex’s snap in his orkut…(thankfully he doesnt have any feelings for his Ex anymore, took him some 3-4 months to move on from her)..

Towards the end of conversation, i said iam sorry, i’ll be more straight in communicating my feelings, but i did not want to force you to do something..wanted you to realise it and it was a ground level expectation that u will remove her snap…anyways, it did not crop up in any feud..We hate to fight..everything solved and i said that i just dont like her snap there..

There are at times some hitches left here and there and iam quite emotionally dependent on him..Iam just keeping my fingers crossed and want to marry him and even he has pretty clear in his head that he wants to marry me…

I have got him with much struggle in my life..i have been more skewed towards him in the stat, now even he’s very caring and loving for me and i just dont want to lose him..i call him my prized possession..
Mansi Says:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
and ya..answer to your question- going out with female friends means meeting them- just he and whoever that friend is..i dont object it if its not late night. neither do i object it if he goes in a group.

But since the time he has deviated, though he’s trying to build the trust back, yet i find it really difficult…iam trying to cope up. to carry a relation on, trust has to be there…

Awaiting your reply…
Sally Says:
April 30th, 2009 at 9:17 am
I wouldn’t object to going out with a group of friends but must admit I would draw the line at him going out alone with a female friend .. it’s just too much like a date for me to be comfortable with given his previous indiscretion. I would think if he is trying to build the trust back he would understand that going out alone with a female friend is going to make you suspicious or uncomfortable.
Sally Says:
April 30th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Hi Mansi,

Sorry but I agree with your man about the photo of his ex, if you didn’t like it being there you should have said so and asked him to remove it. It isn’t about forcing him to do something, it’s about communicating what you need and want to him. He cannot read your mind and even if you ask him to remove it nothing means he has to but at least you have told him what you want. By not asking to remove it you were hoping he would underdstand your feelings and remove it anyway .. read the post I just made about “why doesn’t he understand my problem”.

The problem with us girls is we understand each other, if I casually mention to you that “oh look Marni, you have a photo of my husband on your orkut account .. cough, cough” it would take you about 5 minutes to remove it because as women we think with our feelings so you would understand I didn’t like it even though I didn’t say so but we can make the mistake of expecting men to think in the same way and they simply don’t. If you want something you have to ask for it, no beating around the bush or waiting for him to realise and just do it, then feeling hurt when he doesn’t.

You will find that he would much prefer you to say “I don’t like you doing that” than you saying nothing and being upset about it. If he loves you he doesn’t want to hurt you but he needs you to communicate with him and tell him what will make you happy or what makes you upset, then he can avoid doing it.
Mansi Says:
May 1st, 2009 at 11:46 am
Hi Sally,

I agree with you, now actually i have decided to be upfront with him on everything…it actually is not fair to expect him to understand everything without me even saying it..will certainly read your post, the articles that you write are very nice and they make complete sense to me.Iam sure that he loves me. and will not want to hurt me.
Thanks…
Mansi Says:
May 7th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Hi Sally

was just wonderung if u can suggest me on this- if a guy is in contact with his ex Girl Friend, then how should the current Girl Firend handle this?
Sally Says:
May 13th, 2009 at 3:19 am
Hi Mansi

This is quite a big subject so I shall do a post about it soon but for now I would be asking him why he feels the need to stay in touch with his ex. I am assuming this is the 4 year relationship he had but his family did not approve of her .. if so that would make me feel uncomfortable about an ongoing friendship between them.

It is possible to remain friends with an ex with no romantic feelings toward them but that is quite rare, usually people remain in contact with an ex because one of them feels they have unfinished business.

Talk to him about it, ask if she was so dependent on him that he now still feels emotionally responsible for her … if yes then he needs to transfer those feelings to you. At the end of the day moving forward into your future together must be a priority over trying to stay connected to the past.
Mansi Says:
May 13th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Hi Sally,

I asked him if he has some emotional connect with his ex still? or does it bother him if he speaks with her? or is he still possessive about her? jealous if she’s with a guy etc etc..he denies it all. Just says that coz of a 5 yrs relation, he cant shove her off if she calls. As of now coz of recession my guy is changing his job and this ex is trying to help him alot in changing, though i feel that she’s just trying to find excuses to speak with him…he tells me at times that he feels the same.. somethings are just out of my control Sally !!
Sally Says:
May 15th, 2009 at 2:17 am
Hi Mansi,

Here’s a couple of things for you to think about. Your guy is discussing this with you and isn’t trying to keep his communication with his ex a secret … that can only be a good thing. The fact that he says he also thinks sometimes she is helping him just to find excuses to communicate is also a positive, it means he is aware of this and hasn’t gone running back to her. If he was still interested in her romantically then he would recognise her signals and do something about it.

5 years is a long time to be with someone and you mentioned your culture, which I believe brings men up to feel responsible for their women emotionally and physically, so it’s not surprising he finds it hard to withdraw from her .. although he must take your feelings into consideration.

As long as he is being open and frank about her communications I really wouldn’t worry too much. If you are sure in your heart that he loves you and doesn’t want her back then let it go or you’ll drive yourself nuts. Let’s face it if he no longer has romantic feelings for her then you should be much more worried about who he might meet tomorrow than who he knew in the past.
Mansi Says:
May 17th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Hi Sally,
You understand people very well i guess, even without meeting us you have penned down all accurate stuff i guess.. Me and him just had an argument yesterday about his ex. And i really think we shouldnt be killing our relation coz of someone who isnt worth it even.His ex called up twice yaesterday when we both were together. I asked him to take her call n tell het that he’s busy and with me. He did but with a little hitch that i sensed. Anyhow, i think that he isnt lying to me, i cant leave a detective after him and i dont wanna be one over possessive cribbing and nagging girl. I think the best is ttat i let go off it. There will not be much that i would be even able to do if he starts lying with me..For eg, he tells me he has a meeting and goes and meets her (their offices are nearby)..i wont even get to know it..so i guess i’ll need to give him space n time , so that he never lies n hides stuff from me
Sally Says:
May 17th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Hi Mansi

I think any man would have a little concerned about letting you speak to the ex, it is not an indication of any feeling for her but a worry that it will start a fight between you and her if either of you are rude. However he did let you speak to her so that shows he is with you and isn’t trying to hide that from the ex.

If a man has a happy home life he rarely goes to another woman. Why would he if he is getting what he needs at home. If you start nagging and being jealous then he is more likely to go out with friends and meet somone new.

I think you have to trust him on this one but let him know it makes you a little uncomfortable. Don’t be emotional when you say it, just state it as a fact and then he can never say you were not straight with him about how you feel.

I was talking to a friend about this the other day, she has 2 ex husbands and they are all friends. She goes out shopping and to the gym with the ex husbands new wives. If you can be confident that the emotional side of a relationship is over then there is no reason the friendship side cannot remain.
Mansi Says:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Hi Sally,

I guess you are pretty much right in saying..that in case the emotional side is over then there’s nothing left as such..My guy was telling me that he had a fight with his Ex last evening, she was trying to make fun of me. He hated that, blasted her off. They both hung up the phone..yesterday was the first time i ever told him to stop speaking with her. I can still fell that she cant take the fact that me and he are happy together, she’s jealous, actually she wants him back..Today she happened to sms him asking for a sorry for last day’s fight, he wasnt rude, but a little reluctant for sureand did not welcome her as such..guess thats a positive sign..
Sally Says:
May 20th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
It’s a very positive sign Mansi, it means that mentally he is getting ready to move her in to the past. May I suggest you don’t push the issue, just let nature take it’s course now.

You should also be delighted that he is defending you. He may have made a mistake in the past but from what you tell me he is trying to put things right.
Leo Says:
July 12th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
When I happen to talk to some women, I would carry on a conversation about nothing, stuff in their lives, stuff in my life (With, and about my life with her.) I am a people person, and I can talk up a storm. At times I will talk so much that I don’t think about the other people around me (wife). I end up ignoring them unintentionally for a time. And with out making any advances to the other person, that I am aware of, I will be accused of flirting with that person. How can I make myself aware of my flirting so I don’t disrespect my wife? Or is she, with her jeleous nature, perceving the conversations wrong?
silentletterk Says:
July 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
You know this is totally true. But I hope every woman commenting that ‘oh, that’s just something they do and it’s nothing we can do about it’ knows that they have just stabbed their own sex in the back. You are ruining this world for young girls everywhere. Just like we can help it: we don’t oggle at passing men freely: they can too. It is this stupid society that teaches men that they can do whatever they want without consequence and that women have to follow behind and just except it because that is just the way it goes. F— that. I’m tired of it and if I ever have sons I am going to teach them that it’s not exceptable to do that. We can’t go on just pretending the things that they do don’t hurt us, and aren’t morally right. I’m done pretending.
Sally Says:
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:28 am
Hi silentletterk

I’m just wondering if when you are in a relationship you ever look at men, perhaps when you are out with the girls?

As I say in the article, of course it’s not ok for men to flirt in a manner where they are actually trying to start up a relationship or get her telephone number but everyone looks … men look at women and women look at men. Failure to accept that fact simply means you’ve never been on a girls night out.

It’s all well and good insisting that men change and stop looking but when are we going to insist that women stop looking too?
Sally Says:
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:36 am
Hi Leo

I’m afraid without actually meeting you and your wife it would be difficulty to say if your wife is too jealous or if you are crossing a line, albeit unintentionally.

Personally I would attack the problem from two angles.

Firstly you need to sit down and discuss the problem with your wife, ask her outright if she trusts you, if she feels secure in your marriage and what about your behaviour is making her feel insecure. Suggest a signal between you both, she can touch you in a certain way or use a codeword when she thinks you are flirting to alert you to it and then examine what you were doing but please remember that a marriage doesn’t mean you can never speak to the opposite gender again. You and your wife have to find a level where you can socialise without feeling scared of retribution but she also feels secure in your relationship. Nothing can kill a marriage stone dead quicker than suffocating jealousy so make sure your wife is also aware of your feelings … marriage is always a compromise.

Secondly as you are aware of your wife’s jealousy you should try to include her more in your conversations, even if that means looking over regularly and winking at her, just so she knows you are still aware of her. A nice compliment on the way home will also help to make her feel more secure.
Wendy Says:
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:28 am
silentletterk, i am in total agreement with you. There are decent men out there who have the out most respect for their girlfriends or wives and they don’t stare or flirt around like whores. I wonder what men would do if their girlfriends or wives stared at other men while they were at a restaurant, or at the beach. They would not like it one bit. There are some decent men left, but sadly they are few and scarce. To accept a man that ogles women and call it normal, is not acceptable. Men must learn that women are treasures that are not to be treated like jokes.

I had to teach my ex a lesson. He was a huge asshole that i tried talking too about his flirting, but he began flirting even more…. so i started flirting and staring at attractive men and asking for phone numbers. he was not very happy. He learned the hard way But i guess he is some other woman’s problem now.
Sally Says:
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Hi Wendy

Ask yourself a question .. if you were in a supermarket with your partner, casually chatting to the male cashier and when you got into the car your partner started accusing you of flirting and ogling the cashier how would you feel or react? Wouldn’t you take it as a lack of trust from your partner and wouldn’t it frustrate you and make you feel controlled and smothered?

That is what happens when some women become jealous over the slightest glance or conversation with another woman and it must drive men nuts. Women don’t like it when their man is obsessively jealous so why shouold men put up with it.

Flirting around like a whore, ogling and asking for telephone numbers is of course totally out of order and shows a complete lack of respect for your relationship. I also agree that men would not like it if women did the same thing but I bet you still notice when a good looking man walks into a bar or restaurant. Of course that doesn’t mean you are interested in the man but you do notice him, that’s human nature.

You say “To accept a man that ogles women and call it normal, is not acceptable.” and this is where you appear to have misundestood the article. Ogling is not acceptable or normal but glancing at a pretty girl is normal and should be acceptable if you are confident in your relationship.

Something we must all keep in mind is that we ourselves give out signals to our partner which dictates how we will be treated. Imagine I send out signals to my husband which say he must focus all of his intention on me wherever we go .. sorry but it’s unrealistic, unhealthy, smothering and clearly suggests I am insecure in our relationship.

What I am trying to achieve with this article is for women to find a healthy balance between unreasonable jealousy and accepting the unacceptable. Actively seeking women to chat up or asking for telephone numbers is not acceptable but being friendly to the cashier at the supermarket or noticing a pretty girl walk past is not, in my mind, grounds for divorce or 3 nights sleeping on the sofa.

My parents are in their 60’s now and when my father looks at a woman my mother hits him playfully … the reason I say this is because my parents have been married for almost 50 years and my father would be the last person to stray but even at his age he still looks at women .. it’s what men do and women insisting they stop isn’t going to change it, it just means they won’t do it in front of us and if they only do it when we are not there then there is a higher chance of them taking further than a glance.

Also, saying that decent men are few and far between is insulting to men. Yes there are plenty of ratbags out there but there are also plenty of bitter and selfish women. There are plenty of decent men out there, who are looking for a committed relationship but of course it’s up to us to choose wisely.
Mansi Says:
September 26th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Hey Sally…Iam back after being dormant for ages how have u been duin? I wanted to take some advice from you, not very comfortable in typing my prob on the blog, may i have any other way to communicate with u? Thanks !!
Sally Says:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Hi Mansi

At the very top of the blog is a button called “Ask a dating question” .. just click that and you can send a private message to my personal email. Look forward to hearing from you.
Reno from Dirty Talk Phrases (2 comments.) Says:
October 3rd, 2009 at 5:30 am
Seriously… People in relationships make too much of a deal about every little thing.

Grow up.
Nicole from Background Check (11 comments.) Says:
October 17th, 2009 at 2:33 am
Guys looking and admiring every time pretty girls passes by is just a normal thing. It only shows he knows how to appreciate beauty but it doesn’t mean he don’t appreciate you! As long as you are secured and well-loved by him, there’s nothing to worry about.
angela Says:
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:38 am
hi i do have a problem i am a lot older than my man i am fat i cant walk properly because i had a hip replacement im 20 years older have been going out with him for three years he used to wind me up with other women somthing rotton like with nudes books pop star actors he does not do that anymore when i cried and said i can understand why he finds them so hot now i feel he hides that to save my feelings i felt upset because he was chatting up women for my son and told him i did not like it he could not see the problem with this but told me he would not do that again for my peace of mind recently i found out he chatted up young girls for his friend but had told me he woul never do that now im wondering how much more he is hiding like is he still intrested in the girl over tescos he told me he rally liked or did he really still like his best friend gina that he told me he was in love with when i first knew him and has carried on spending the night with but said he has never had sex with please help
Sally Says:
October 25th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Hi Angela

You didn’t make it clear what basis your relationship is built on. Are you married, living together, in a committed relationship or just casually seeing each other? Have you stated to each other you are an item and will not see other people?

Forgive me but it sounds like you are suffering from a lack of confidence and this will affect your relationship. I am considerably older than my husband so I do understand this and sometimes I have to give myself a metaphorical slap when I let my own insecurities start to creep in.

As a stranger what I read between the lines of your message is that you asked him to stop/hide certain behaviours and now you are feeling concerned that he is hiding them.

One problem men can have with women is that if they are honest they get into trouble and if they fib they get into trouble, they can’t do right for doing wrong.

He was honest about looking at magazines and most men find airbrushed models in magazines hot, as long as they understand it is a fantasy world and they don’t allow it to become an addiction or start wanting you to dress or look like those fake images. You say he used to wind you up with these images, do you mean by looking at them or by showing you them and saying you should look/dress like that?

From what you say, when you tell him something bothers you he then stops it or hides it from you. Now you are left concerned about what he is hiding from you, so you need to pick your battles carefully.

Does he chat with these women in front of you or when you are not there? What do your friends say, do they say he is a flirt? The girl in Tesco, what did he say about her, did he say he liked her as a person or did he say he fancied her or would like to go out with her?

As for staying overnight regularly with a female friend I am afraid this is one step too far for me, i would not accept it from my husband but again it depends what basis your relationship is on.

He says he chats up women for friends and your son, this is silly really. The old “my mate fancies you” should stop in the school yard and that is something you should discuss with him.

At the end of the day does he seem committed to you, does he love you and treat you with respect? How much of his “unacceptable” behaviour would you accept from a man your own age and how much is simply your own securities.
get my girlfriend back (4 comments.) Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I guess one good thing is hes being up front her but that all seems like odd behavior to me. How much does she really know what this guy is up to?
get my girlfriend back´s last blog ..
Sally Says:
December 1st, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Hi Get my GF back

But how do we know what anyone is really up to? If casual flirting was a sure sign of straying then I doubt the innocent spouse in adultery divorces would all say they were the last to know and very often it is the person you would least suspect that is getting up to all sorts behind their partners back.
Steve from Pay Off Credit Card Debt (4 comments.) Says:
January 8th, 2010 at 3:46 am
Hi Sally,

I’ll admit that I do look at other women and flirt from time to time. Not in front of my wife though. It’s not that I’m trying to be sneaky, I am just respectful of my wife and her feelings. Besides when I’m with her she’s the only one I want to look at

Steve
Steve@Pay Off Credit Card Debt´s last blog ..The 3 Best Reasons To Use Cash
Sally Says:
January 10th, 2010 at 5:37 am

Hi Steve

That’s what I like to see, a chap who can dig his way out of a hole he himself dug lol.

The good news is you are perfectly normal and have blood running through your veins. The bad news is your wife looks at men when you are not there. However both make for a healthy normal relationship.
sachin from women's workout (1 comments.) Says:
January 18th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
HI,
I think this is really a great topic to discuss because most of the men are doing the same thing. So i think this thing shows that your man is really not in love with you because if he is flirting with other women then it is sure that he want more.
Anyways keep it up and keep continue with your valuable thoughts.
Sally Says:
January 19th, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Hi Sachin

Why would you think that your man doesn’t love you if he flirts? It is certainly not respectful to your partner to flirt with other people but I can’t agree it means they don’t love you.

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