Not only do women now refer to most men as shallow but the men are now so guilt ridden that they themselves have begun to apologise for this perceived shallowness.
Search the net for “shallow men” and see how many articles are written insisting that men are shallow because they find a certain body type or face beautiful.
I found this one particularly telling, because the writer suggests that because the men at work run after the glamorous girl at work rather than the writer this is proof that men are shallow … rubbish.
In a room full of men women will naturally gravitate to the better looking men or at least to men of the type they find attractive, welcome to human nature.
A male friend of mine is physically attracted to slim brunettes that take care of themselves (ie don’t live in sloppy clothes and can’t remember where their make-up bag is) and yet whenever we discuss relationships he constantly says “sorry I was being shallow again” when referring to his “type”.
To be frank I am getting a tad ticked off with this, when did political correctness demand that I can be fat, not shave my legs or shower and Bruce Willis should swoon at my feet? Perhaps I can sue him for marrying Demi Moore instead of me … actually in the US that wouldn’t surprise me.
Why should he be called or even think of himself as shallow because he is physically attracted to a certain type of woman when thinking of dating? Society is now virtually insisting that he dates a cuddly blonde just to prove he is not shallow.
A gorgeous, slim, brunette supermodel would stand no chance dating him if she was unintelligent or had an uninteresting personality. Yes there are people that are shallow enough to not care about personality or mind but surely that is their decision, if they are happy leave them to it.
His long term marriage has recently ended and despite numerous opportunities he has never had an affair. His wife ended the marriage but to be fair it had been over for a number of years, they simply drifted apart but one concrete issue between them was her physical appearance.
When they met she was slim, active and fun, she took great care of herself but over the years, whilst he remained slim and active she, like many of us, slipped into weight gain and less activity.
Now let’s be fair here, when we are dating of course we make more effort with our appearance and tend to do so in the first year or two of marriage but then life takes over. It’s difficult to decorate the spare bedroom in high heels and perfect hair. Only in films do women wear a full face of makeup, large mans shirt and frilly knickers to decorate in but of course in films when they sleep all night with makeup on it’s still in place in the morning.
I am also not suggesting that a woman should wear heels and sexy clothes to take a cup of tea to her husband in the garage while he is covered in oil or that it’s ok for a man to stop taking care of himself but not a woman.
What I am suggesting is that if you are attracted to slim people then a spouse that puts on a lot of weight becomes physically unattractive, sorry but that is simply a fact of life but it does not mean they stop loving you.
Despite the impending divorce my friend still loves his wife, all he has wanted for a number of years is for his wife to care enough about herself and indeed his desires to go out with him and be more active, this in turn would lose some weight and he would again be as attracted to her as he was when they first met.
The physical weight was less important to him than her desire to care for herself, her lack of desire to be active and fun again reflected on how he felt she viewed herself, their relationship and him.
To say “you should love me as I am” is simply unrealistic and unfair. If he is attracted to a body type then why should he be made to feel guilty for not being attracted to a different body type?
These days, perhaps in retaliation for the size zero models, we are trying to instill into people that love and physical attraction are a single entity and we should be loved no matter what changes about us but to be honest I find that attitude unrealistic. Physical attraction and love are separate entities, they do not work in conjunction with each other.
If the man I love develops a huge beer belly would I still love him, yes of course but would I still want to rip his clothes off the minute he walks through the door ….. not a chance. I make no apologies for my sexuality and do not believe anyone should have to, physical attraction is required to keep romance in a relationship.
None of us can remain who we once were, we all change physically and mentally. As a relationship grows in time we learn to love the laughter lines that develop, the stretch marks from the two kids are not a problem and a few extra pounds are just something to cuddle but what does matter is mental attitude, when you begin to stop caring about yourself then the slippery slope begins.
Evan writes a very good article about men being attracted to beauty and while I do not agree that all men are the same I have to agree that men who are 5’s want women who are 10’s. Of course that means the world is full of very disappointed men!
Here is a report with some excellent statistics on what predicts desirability in daters which is based on research of a speed dating service (can you get any more shallow than speed dating?).