Mother Teresa said “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread” and rarely have truer words been spoken.
Unless you have been crushingly lonely you don’t understand just what a strong and self destructive emotion it can be.
I am not talking about the level of loneliness you can feel when you fancy a night out but your friends are all busy.
I mean the level where you feel consumed by your loneliness, even when you are in a room full of people you are chatting to.
The trouble with this depth of loneliness is you can become convinced that only a romantic relationship can relieve your lonely feelings.
Dating can actually add to the feeling of loneliness, as your emotions become virtually tangible and your dates will pick up on this desperation, frightening them away.
The chance of meeting “the one” in the first person you date is less likely than winning the lottery, this means rejection is a certainty and rejection is not going to lift your spirits or build your confidence.
Another negative when dating in this emotional state is the possibility of entering a relationship with someone totally unsuitable in order to simply deal with your lonely emotions.
The only healthy solution to this depth of loneliness is to recognise that dating is not the immediate answer, that is not to say you should avoid dating but see it as a lower priority.
Your first priority should be to recognise that feeling lonely and being alone are two very different things. Being single is not why you feel this way, plenty of married people suffer from loneliness. This is so easy to say but not as easy to do, if necessary get professional help to separate these issues in your mind.
Once you have recognised the difference you can begin to work on changing your emotional state. If lack of company causes your loneliness you can learn to be happy in your own company, to enjoy time without being in a relationship.
When you are busy it is more difficult to feel lonely, your mind is on other things. If you are bored with nothing to physically do then finding a love interest can become of paramount importance, adding to your lonely feelings because love rarely appears in an instant.
The web now provides an outlet to lonely people, with forums on almost any topic and online dating sites where people can not only meet people to date but can also make new friends to stave off lonely feelings.
If you are lonely and considering joining an online dating site then first look to see if they have an active forum, if they don’t then do not join. The ‘meat market’ side of online dating will simply add to your feelings of emotional isolation.
Join a site with an active community and try to focus on making new online friends, if “the one” turns up it will be a plus but once you find new friends you will soon realise that finding a partner is not the only solution to your current emotional state.
Mind have a booklet on how to cope with loneliness and Web of Loneliness provide a number of website links for information and self help for loneliness.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:42 am
When you are in love, you dont think in the future.. You believe that feeling stays forever. But, destiny may change the things and you may be depressed or very sad. But Time makes you forget the past.. So, time is the only medicine to be better…
February 13th, 2009 at 12:18 am
That is very true Amor but you can help that time pass more quickly by getting out and being sociable, making new friends. Once you realise that your lost love is not the only nice person on the planet you begin to heal more quickly.
May 4th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
I’ve been trying to search for a nice and decent forum site and hoping to find the “one,” sadly though, all I am getting are this girls asking you to view ‘em, etc etc. I am still hopeful that one day, I’ll find the her. In fact, I am also trying to make myself a Better Man for the future gal – to understand her and to get to know her better. Hoping that one day, I’ll be worth for the perfect woman (’perfect’ because I love her
)
Man4U’s last blog post..Helping WikiPedia
May 13th, 2009 at 3:14 am
Hi Man4u
If all you are getting is girls asking you to view ‘em then you need to look for smaller niche dating sites where genuine girls tend to hang out. Players are certainly not only men online.
December 12th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Like man4u, i would find it helpful to also find a forum. even if was just to help with these online dating sites. Im new to all this and would genuinely like to make a go of it, but its difficult, when the only search engine results you get of for sex sites or at the very least you need to register, which some people arent comfortable doing. An open forum would help, maybe with the ability to screen
December 16th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Hi Tony there are forums out there for discussing dating, I will search for some good ones and do a blog post about it. Just make sure when you look for such a forum that it is moderated and not just left to run wild or thats where the scammers will hang out.