The question “should I tell the truth”, with respect to relationships and the dating game, sounds like a silly one … the obvious answer would be yes you should always be honest with your partner … but
Human relationships are never that cut and dried, with human emotions constantly muddying the waters.
Here’s a dating dilemma for you, for your second date the potential person of your dreams invites you for dinner.
The lasagne is burnt around the edges and uncooked in the middle … now be honest, how many of us in that situation are going to say “that was revolting, I think you need to learn to cook”.
This doesn’t mean you have permission to lie just to avoid an argument and no you shouldn’t shave 10 years off your age or 20 kilos of your weight on your online dating profile but there are times a little white lie may be appropriate in a relationship.
Consider the question should I admit I had a one night stand?, for me personally, if my husband makes a single drunken mistake and then feels horribly guilty and knows he will never do it again, then I simply don’t want to know. I don’t want my marriage destroyed over a stupid mistake which is unlikely to be repeated and I know it would just eat away at me if we stayed together.
If, however, he had been seeing someone for the past month I would want to know the truth so I can then decide how I will respond.
For me one is a a total break in the trust I have for him and the other is a stupid mistake I feel sure he would deeply regret and never repeat.
In the dating game you have to consider how far you will get if you always tell the truth … that dress makes you look 10 years older … you’d be really sexy if you lost a bit of weight … of course I’m furious you are 20 minutes late you arrogant git … sorry I’ve got terrible wind, I’m just nipping to the toilet to have a good fart.
Think about these three examples of topics which could cause unnecessary problems if you tell the truth:
1. How many previous partners have you had?
If you have had a lot of previous partners then it would be much better to answer a question with a question and discuss with your new partner how this knowledge could be of any benefit to them, then suggest it’s better to leave the past where it belongs and move forward into the future.
2. Do you wish I had bigger eyes/a smaller nose/longer legs/fuller lips/larger breasts/etc?
The answer to all such questions should always be a resounding “NO, I like you just the way you are”. A partner can put on weight, lose weight, shave more often, change the way they dress, etc., all without having to undergo surgery. When it comes to height, facial features and other characteristics which cannot be changed (other than undergoing surgery) then saying you wish they were different is simply cruel and will obviously have a negative effect on your partners confidence.
3. Are you physically attracted to my best friend/brother/sister/mother?
Admitting you are attracted to someone your partner works with or knows socially but casually, should not be too much of a problem because they are far removed from your partner, so are little threat. However, admitting you are really physically attracted to someone very close to your partner can cause insecurities in your partner. Your partner is unable to detach themselves from this new threat (ie their best friend/sibling/family member) and the only real outcome in admitting such a strong attraction is hurting your partner and causing insecurities.
I’m not advocating telling lies whenever a question doesn’t suit you but we can all use our judgement and decide when a white lie or avoiding answering a question will be less harmful to the person we love or are dating than an honest answer would be.
So the answer to “should I tell the truth” is …. it all depends!!