Passive or Active Online Dating

There are two types of online daters, passive and active. Passive daters make up over 80% of the online dating world and are far less likely to succeed.

Like a fitness programme, it won’t work by sitting on your sofa and reading books about getting fit or meeting that someone special.

In order to be successful at online dating you have to actively take part, not sit on the side lines and wait for someone special to happen along and pick you for their team.

Passive Daters

These are people that are unsure about even joining a dating site. Perhaps they feel there is still a stigma attached to online dating, they may not believe it can really work, are afraid of rejection, perhaps are not very confident about themselves or simply don’t have a clue what to write about themselves.

Passive daters will fill out the bare bones of a profile, often inserting “will tell you later” or “send me a message and ask me” if they can’t think of an imaginative answer to a question. They are unlikely to put a photo on their profile and very rarely contact other members, instead they sit back and wait for people to contact them .. they will likely even forget they have joined the site unless an email arrives.

Imagine going out on a Saturday night .. you don your best clothes but haven’t bothered ironing them, pop your sunglasses and a floppy hat on and drag yourself out. You go to a bar or restaurant and sit in the corner reading a book waiting and hoping that someone will notice you and stop by your table to say hello.

It doesn’t sound like a recipe for dating success does it? That is the equivalent of a passive online dater and the same result will usually happen .. not a lot, other than disappointment.

You may be lucky and an active dater will stop by and say hello but why would an active dater contact someone with a half-hearted profile, no photo and who hasn’t logged into the site for over a month? As they make up less than 20% of the online dating scene the chances of an active dater contacting you are really quite slim.

If you are a passive dater then it’s time to change your ways if you really want to meet someone, have a quick read of why we Brits need to be more like Americans when it comes to dating profiles.

Start by choosing a good dating profile username as this is the first thing other members will see and a username like “Bored & Depressed” may just put them off a little.

Your profile doesn’t have to be written by Shakespeare or make people roll around the floor laughing, it simply has to be informative, a reflection of who you are. If you’re not sure where to start then get searching and read other peoples profiles, find ones you find interesting and work out what makes them stand out from the crowd.

Upload a recent photo, statistics show that having a profile photo improves your chances of dating success ten fold. Even if you mark it as private so it can’t be seen by everyone but at least other members will know you have a photo so if they contact you there is a chance of seeing it.

Profile Photos are so important I write about them a little too often, check out mistakes women make with profile photos and mistakes men make with profile photos, it can mean the difference between finding that someone special and being overlooked so why not make a little effort and get a good photo for your profile.

Now start searching profiles, find people you like the sound of and send a message saying hello. Some people will initially send a flirt or add someone to their friends list to get the other person to come and read their profile and hopefully reciprocate .. I call this the peek a boo game and don’t recommend it but it’s better than not contacting people. It is better, if you have the confidence, to simply send them a message introducing yourself and always say something or ask a question that shows you have read their profile, not just looked at the photo.

Active Daters

This isn’t a polite term for a serial dater, out every night with someone new. An active dater believes online dating can work, they often know someone that has met their partner online and they actively go after what they want .. to meet someone to date.

They will take time to write an informative and interesting profile, often editing their profile from time to time. Their profile will display a current photo of them (rather than their car or pet) and they will spend time searching profiles and sending messages to people whose profiles they enjoy.

It’s true you have to be a little thick skinned for online dating at times, not everyone will send polite messages or even answer but active daters don’t let this put them off.

Active daters will log in to the site regularly to see who has recently joined, they will send out messages and keep their profile updated. They are also much more likely to succeed simply because they are making the effort to find what they want.

If you are an active dater you may not be meeting as many people as you would like to online but you are over half way there, you are putting in the time and effort. If this isn’t getting the results you were hoping for then ask yourself if you are on the right dating site for you, how to choose a good online dating service is written for first timers but has some good tips if you think you may be on the wrong site.

Please learn the art of rejection, nobody likes a rejection but there is a way to do it nicely and it’s better than being ignored completely. Be polite and friendly when online dating, whether you are a passive or active online dater.

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Dating Advice, Dating Don'ts, Online Dating