Back in Jan 2007 Curt Smith wrote an article called Can cheating be healthy for a relationship? and he was not wrong when he opened with the sentence “Let me guess; you did a double take when you read the title of this article, right?”
The article has attracted 284 comments, with the latest being added just a few days ago, showing that this is an issue which a lot of people feel very strongly about (considering the average article attracts just a handful of comments, if any at all).
As the article is written about men cheating I will not comment on women that cheat but I just wanted to take exception to a few of the comments in Curt’s article and voice my own opinions. Let’s start with his statement “Because most men and women cheat on their partners at some point in a relationship” …. says who? Have you done a survey in your town and found that “most” admitted to cheating? If so I am very glad I live on the other side of the planet.
Do people cheat, yes of course. How many cheat, who knows? However I believe that at some stage in a long term relationship most will at some point think about it but thinking and doing are two different things, some of us have the ability to just say no.
Next Curt goes on to say “All it means is that at some point, the little head overpowers the big head and men venture into forbidden territory.” Someone pass the sickbag please. It makes me so angry when I hear this pathetic attempt to justify cheating. Are you actually trying to suggest that biologically your brain has no control over your penis and you are therefore incapable of telling yourself that what you are doing is wrong?
In the middle east you hear that if a man has an affair it is the womans fault for tempting him, as though men do not possess the ability to say no. Men, I suggest it is well past time you accept that you only have one brain and it is not in fact in your penis. Get a backbone, get some character and learn to say no to yourself occasionally.
Then Curt goes on to say “When men cheat, it basically means that they are looking for something their girlfriend or wife is not providing. Often times, it comes down to sex.” Oh but of course it must be your wife or girlfriends fault. Have you ever considered why she is no longer so interested in having sex with you? Have you gone from swinging on the chandalier in your batman outfit to a sweating groaning lump of flesh that forgot where her clitoris is located about 2 months after you got married? If you are unsatisfied with your sex life then either do something about it or leave. If you have children to consider then discuss the situation with your wife and decide between you what the best way forward is for the family, perhaps she will agree to you committing adultery?
Next we have “Men also like to explore and try new things.” Pleeease, most of the men I have encountered who have had affairs are boring 9-5ers and the only exploring they ever do is their left nostril while driving to or from work. At least you didn’t try the ‘hunter-gatherer’ argument, which I suppose I should be thankful for.
Which immediately leads on to “The benefit in this case is that once men do cheat, they realize that it is nothing special and probably won’t do it again.” Well hell that makes it ok then!! Please darling go and explore some girls vagina and then come home to me when you realise it’s not as good or different as you thought it might be. And his reaction when I go to explore another man’s small brain would be?
The next paragraph made me laugh quite loudly “The result is that once men are unfaithful, they will lie in bed and think relentlessly about their unsuspecting partner. Why? Because the lust factor has worn away and the reality didn’t measure up to the fantasy. Instead, they remember the good reality; the woman who loves them, bakes them cookies and makes love to them. The old saying “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” says it all.”. Curt that is not a reason to cheat but a damned good one NOT to cheat. If you have any moral fiber at all, you WILL feel guilty, you WILL lie awake at night worrying about it, reality is never as good as fantasy and you can bet if your partner finds out you will have plenty of time alone to wish you hadn’t bothered – so just keep it in your pants and say no.
This is a classic “The most underrated benefit of cheating is that it opens a man’s eyes to the realization that his relationship is no longer nurturing and should be terminated.” OMG now men not only cannot say no to themselves because the evil second brain takes control but they are also too stupid to realise when they are not happy and can only find this out by placing their penis into a strange woman. Sorry do women have some sort of happiness meter tucked away up there that I wasn’t aware of? I shall just go to look … no sorry my meter seems to be missing.
Curt I crown you the king of the generalisation for this “Let’s face it, nothing lasts forever and about 95% of relationships, married or not, end.” Are we back to your survey in your town again? If you google US marriage and divorce rates you will see that 9 out of 10 adults in your country will get married and then the discussions about whether divorce rate is really as high as the suggested 50%, it’s basic maths but perhaps your small brain can’t manage it?
I would also disagree that nothing lasts forever, it seems to me that since the dawn of mankind men have been trying to justify why they cannot or should not be monogamous, it seems that that in itself will last forever.
As for your comment “you will probably have a lot of regrets, especially concerning all the girls you missed out on”, I have to ask why you would commit to a long term relationship if you are certain you will regret it later? Perhaps you haven’t committed to a long term relationship and are speaking as a single guy with commitment issues?
The article concludes “So what did you learn from my point of view? First, that you’ll realize your mistake and appreciate your lover a lot more after the horrible deed. The second is that cheating can help you realize your misery within your current relationship”
So what did you learn from my point of view?
First, that if you are incapable of appreciating your wife or girlfriend without cheating then she doesn’t want you and you simply don’t deserve her, I also hope like hell she finds out and ditches both you and your small brain.
Second, you only have one brain, no honestly go and ask your doctor.
Third, if you can’t tell when you are unhappy then it’s time you started taking more interest in your own life and maybe consider seeing a doctor.
Fourth, as hard as men may try they are simply incapable of coming up with a reasonable justification for cheating – why? Because it’s wrong and no amount of waffle will change that fact.
What I find really sad about this topic is that men have managed to convince some women that they are biologically incapable of saying no, you now hear women say “but they can’t help it” – hello, they have the same brain we do ladies and we can say no (although more and more women are choosing not to), so the truth is simply that they are unwilling to say no.
May 31st, 2008 at 12:24 am
I read similar article also named justify cheating? | The Ditch or Snog blog – dating tips and dating advice, and it was completely different. Personally, I agree with you more, because this article makes a little bit more sense for me
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:31 am
From the sounds of things you have read the original article I have replied to. Thanks for your comment.
January 30th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
I haven’t read this other article you are responding to, but from the excerpts I see here, I don’t really want to. Can’t say no? I’m a guy. I have never cheated on anyone. I’ve been cheated ON, and it sucks. Nobody “can’t help it” – that’s just false justification horseshit. If there’s a problem, you talk about it, if you can’t do that, you’re with the wrong person. It’s pretty simple.
January 31st, 2009 at 9:41 pm
What you totally miss… is that for every cheating man there is a cheating woman.
Sorry, but my conclusion is that while some people can be faithful… others do not march to the same moral code… and therefore seek variation and new experiences…. and I do mean both sexes.
January 31st, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Actually JJ I didn’t miss that women also cheat at all .. if you read my post you will see the comment “As the article is written about men cheating I will not comment on women that cheat”. I accept women also cheat but I was responding to an article about men cheating.
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:15 pm
There shouldn’t be any discussion here. If you want to be with one person, do it. If you don’t want to be with one person, don’t do it. It’s called R-E-S-P-E-C-T. If you don’t have any, you don’t deserve any. I like your comment, Anton Tsvil. May I ask, since you’ve been betrayed, do you expect every partner you have to betray you? And if so, would this lead you to betray your partner based on scenarios limited strictly to your imagination? (Would you cheat on her because you think she’s cheated on you?) My man’s never cheated, but been cheated on. And if he has a DREAM that I was unfaithful, he will wake up, act like a dick, and tell me “If you do it to me, I’m going to do it right back Whitney.” Sometimes he gets so mad, he goes out and gets drunk and flirts with strange women to make himself feel better. All the while I’ve done nothing wrong.
February 4th, 2009 at 12:58 am
Whitney – No, the girl I’m with now is fantastic. We’re both very happy and very much in love. We’re both able to talk about our problems and we haven’t had any fights yet. Although I was bitter towards women as a whole after being cheated on for the 2nd time in a row, I got over it in a couple of months. I would never blame my girl for something she did in my dream (That doesn’t make any sense) I’ve had dreams were I’ve cheated on her, and I’ve woken up feeling like crap. Sounds like your guy has an insecurity issue.
March 16th, 2009 at 8:31 am
I’m not advocating cheating, but dammit, my last boyfriend was so boring in the sack! He was perfect otherwise, but when we had sex, it was so passionless and mechanical. There’s a reason we’re no longer together.
March 18th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Hi SuzieQ, perhaps you should have worked on that side of your relationship or at worst ended the relationship. It is certainly no fun when the intimate side of your relationship is boring but it is easily worked on. Cheating is never the answer.
By the way, I already provide a link to your website and link to your last blogpost on this blog so I would appreciate it if you would stop dropping links into your comments too as it takes me time to delete them.
June 19th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Human are social beings and bound to get attracted to good things. Though being faithful is a treasured virtue, fulfilling your desires is not wrong.
June 24th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Ok, just read a comment on justification of betrayal. So that’s right everybody, cheating is OK. Go ahead and sleep around on your partner, and if they get mad, simply tell them that you are a human, you are attracted to good things, and that fulfilling your desires is not wrong. Then get back on this site and let us know how that worked out for you.
June 24th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Oh BY THE WAY Suzie Q, practice makes perfect. My boyfriend rocks my socks but he’s got some experience under his belt. No pun intended. A coach doesn’t kick an amateur off the team, he coaches him. Why? Because with enough practice he could become the next MVP! Every man has potential right? And what are they aiming to do in bed? Please you. YOU. Who knows maybe your dude was selfish lol but there’s my two cents. Not that anyone asked for it, but you don’t have to. I’m generous and give it anyway.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Hi Carol … at what point does fulfilling your desires become wrong? Is having an affair ok because it fulfils your desires even though it can ruin your marriage and break up the home your kids are growing up in?
What about bringing the girlfriend home to play with you and the Mrs because it fulfils your desires? Maybe someone desires a 12 year old or a goat?
I do think we have gone way too far down the “it’s ok to follow your desires” road and we need to spend more time saying no to ourselves. If you commit to a long term relationship then fulfil that commitment.
October 17th, 2009 at 4:16 am
I certainly agree with all your views and the way you explain it. Though,
I haven’t read that Curt Smith article yet but the way i understand it, he loves to justify the goodness of cheating and the benefits you’ll derive from doing it. Since when did cheating a good thing to do?
Two thumbs up to you Sally!
November 19th, 2009 at 12:31 am
Cheating is cheating. You cannot justify it.
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I kind of like princess whitneys comment. I can relate to it. I started having sex around 20 yrs old. I had sex before that but had no clue what I was doing. I got a serious gf when I was 20-21 and she wanted to have sex all the time. The only problem was I was so new at it, it took me a while to figure out how to be good and last. She was patient and we ended up dating for a long time over 6 years. The sex was great the best I ever had. It ended for other reasons (no not cheating) but my point is that most guys can get good at sex if you can encourage him without busting his ego. If he has even one ounce of passion in him the sex could end up being pretty good rather than military style all the time.
get my girlfriend back´s last blog ..
December 1st, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Can’t agree more Get my GF Back …. most guys would love some direction from their lady and they do worry they aren’t doing it right. Men cant read minds and unless they are porn addicts have little to compare their performance with. If your partner is not satisfying you then gently suggest trying it a different way.