How to Write a Good Introductory Email Message for Online Dating

It is suprising how many people don’t know how to write an opening email message on an online dating site.

Here is how to write an introductory email on an online dating site that will be opened, read and responded to by the person you are communicating with.

Before you even think of writing messages to other online daters, make sure your profile is worth reading. A column of “tell you later” or a long list of “I don’t likes” will simply put people off.

People read your dating profile to decide if you might be compatible, a list of negatives is not going to help them decide.

Ensure your profile has a recent photo and enough information about you for people to have something to discuss with you. Find out the most common mistakes men make with online dating profile photos for men and online profile photos for women and don’t repeat those mistakes.

Making initial contact by sending a flirt can get people to come and look at your profile but of course your profile then needs to be interesting and many people see flirts as sheer laziness, if you can’t be bothered to even write a short message then why would they be interested in talking to you? If someone receives a lot of flirts then this is hardly an original way to communicate and may simply be ignored.

Like any human communication you need to put some effort in to getting to know people and tell them why they should spend time communicating with you.

You can have a first message template which you send out to people you are interested in but remember to edit it for each person you send it to.

Step 1 - Have Something in Common

Don’t just see a photo you like the look of and start sending messages. Read their profile and ensure you have something in common. It is great to receive lots of emails or responses but if they are from people you have little or nothing in common with then it’s effectively junk mail, as you are unlikely to want to meet each other. It’s much better to receive fewer responses from people you would enjoy meeting than having a full email box but nobody you would like to meet. If someone states in their profile they don’t like smokers and you smoke like a chimney, don’t fool yourself into thinking they will like your witty charm and ignore the smoking, it’s unlikely to happen, people put their dislikes in a profile for a reason.

Step 2 - A Noticeable Subject Heading

Imagine you are an active online dater who receives numerous messages each day. You run your eyes down the list of subject headings and see the same thing over and over again. What is needed is something that stands out from the crowd. Read my post about good dating headings to improve your chances of getting your messages read.

Step 3 - Simple but Informative

Don’t make your message too long, too short or too naughty, 4 to 5 lines is about right for a first message. Unless you have joined a site specifically for adult content then don’t send messages with suggestive comments in. A simple “Hi fancy a chat” or “Hi I’m Sally, my number is call me” gives the reader no information about me and doesn’t suggest in any way that I would be fun to communicate with. Similarly, telling someone your life story in an opening message will put them to sleep.

Step 4 - Make it Personal

Why should someone be interested in you if you have demonstrated that you are not interested in them by using cut and paste or the same old tired lines. Address the person you are sending the message to by their Username and include a question or comment about their profile. Let them know you have read their profile and are not just sending the same message to everyone on the dating site.

Step 5 - Sound Confident

Whether you are confident or have to fake it, make yourself sound confident in messages. Do not refer to how many people don’t answer your messages or immediately start pointing out your faults. We are all human and all have faults but concentrate on your good points, sound happy and fun to be around.

Step 6 - Give Them a Laugh

Laughter is a great way to get someone’s attention, so try to include something to make them laugh but remember jokes don’t sound the same in written type as they do in your head, so add a laughing smiley to ensure they know you are joking. A joke at your own expense is fine as long as you are not seriously putting yourself down. It may simply be the email heading that makes them laugh or it may be an ‘in joke’ which people outside your shared interest would not understand. Online dating should be fun, so sound like you are enjoying yourself.

Step 7 - Be Original

Don’t use the same old tired lines like “I just came across your profile and .. ” or “so what’s a nice woman like you doing in a place like this?”. Be original, imagine you just met this person at a party or in a cafe .. now talk to them in the same conversational manner you would use to chat in real life.

Step 8 - Speling and Grammer

So you have ritten a funny, informative and unique messge but if your not careful with your spellin and gramar then you’ve just blown it. Bad spelling and grammar suggests that you just can’t be bothered, it only takes a second to re-read your message or even run it through a spelling checker before you send it. Sloppyness is not an attractive quality.

Step 9 - Introduce Yourself

Remember to actually introduce yourself, give them some information about you and why you are worth getting to know. That may be in the form of a shared hobby, political views, religious beliefs or a shared love of horses but you need to include something in your message that suggests you would have something in common and are therefore worth getting to know.

Step 10 - Invite Them to Respond

Any advertising executive will tell you that an advert must have a ‘call to action’ included in it, that simply means telling the person what you want them to do next. In the case of online dating messages you want them to respond, so tell them you look forward to their reply or say you’ll be interested to read their answers to your questions. Don’t say I hope you respond or I hope to hear from you soon, it’s a negative.

Here are two of examples of good introductory messages for online dating but in different styles:

Jammy Dodger Addicts Need Love Too

Hi Legal_beagle, so you also have a sweet tooth, are you a closet sweet eater or have you come out to the world? I’m Pete and I’m a self confessed jammy dodger addict, it’s the way your teeth crunch through savoury biscuit and then meet that exquisite sugary jam and cream filling. Midnight raids of the biscuit tin are a normal thing in my house but of course I then have to make up for it in the gym, there’s always a down side to something so enjoyable. It’s your turn to confess, what is your favourite sweet toothed snack and why? Pete

Do carrots make you crazy?

Hi GeorgeHill, I’m Sally and I see you also keep horses and enjoy riding. Shadow, my TB, has recently developed an allergy to carrots, they send him loopy. Have you ever experienced this with one of your horses? I used to enjoy eventing but have now settled for the more sedate life of hacking out. I went to the local country show last weekend with some friends, the show jumping was excellent. Do you ever get to any of the shows in your area? I look forward to hearing about you and your horses. Sally

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